Saturday, October 11

I understand the intimacy issue. Maybe because we have been parents only a short time, I haven't noticed a loss in our intimacy. Or maybe I just expected that it would be a part of parenthood so I haven't worried too much about it. S can chime in... Now I feel like we get some time with just the two of us when our parents come to watch the babe. Then we can go out as a couple.

S and I have had some discussions about when and how we'll move O into his own bed. I feel it's best when he no longer feeds at night. My expectation is that he'll be about two years old. I wonder if people find that shocking, but to me it seems natural.

Just the other day a new parent told me that his son was sleeping through the night. I'm amazed by this. I've read several things that said that there's a biological reason that babies eat during the night. Then again, I don't know all the particulars of their situation--breast v. bottle, parent's bed or crib, etc.

I, too, have heard all the "horror" stories about 7 and 10 year olds in the bed. Right now I am hoping that this isn't the situation with our family, but I'm also keeping an open mind. I don't know the particular situations with those families either. Who am I to judge.

Daddyman is on to something. When you become a parent, you must listen to what your heart tells you. You must evaluate what works best for your family. The babe's five months old and for now he'll be sleeping with us in our bed. We all are getting a restful amount of sleep. Is that true, S? That is, unless it's our own fault of not going to sleep at a reasonable hour...

For some parents, yes, I'm sure they get better rest and, like daddyman, they choose to have the babe(s) sleep in the bassinett(s) or crib(s). By no means to I wish to say that I am superior to them, but, again, S and I have agreed that having the baby sleep with us is the best option for our family.

Another reason that I think it works well for us is that sometimes I am at work. During that time O doesn't eat or sleep as well. At night he can snack as much as he wants. For the most part, he always stays asleep during the entire night, never waking us up by crying or wanting to play. Therefore, I know he's getting at least 8-10 hours of healthy, restful sleep while catching up on his meals.

Wow. Thanks for the comment. I love your idea that the babe is teaching us. Isn't that one of the best things about being a parent? I thought I had the world figured out. Then the babe comes and he teaches me so much more.


Rebecca said...

In the past few days I have had a surprising number of discussions about this topic and I have come to some conclusions:
1. Of course I can't make a sure call either way until I have kids, nor should I.
2. My feelings on the topic are colored by children I have known that have co-slept until they are 5-10 years old and they (in my opinion) have major behavioral issues and are, to put it simply, pretty bratty and unpleasant to be around.
3. I was very rarely allowed to sleep with my parents and I take the "I turned out well, so that method works well" attitude. In fact, I asked my mom about the idea of the "family bed" this weekend and she had a pretty visceral negative reaction. She needs space and "alone time" exactly like I always have. Like mother, like daughter.
4. Lastly, I have my own personal space needs and can't sleep well if I am too near anyone else. G will tell you that I take up about 2/3rds of our king size bed and I tend to wake up frequently and sleep poorly if I am conscience of others in bed next to me. This could also be because I was given a queen size bed when I was 2 and never had to sleep in anything smaller until college. Clearly this colors my attitude toward co-sleeping.

So overall, I have realized that people have very strong feelings on this topic and no one is 100% right or wrong. Co-sleeping is only one of thousands of aspects of parenting that form a child, and it is of course the total picture that is more important.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kelly, it's Jennifer Madrigal. I like to look at your blog and see the how the cutie O is growing. Well, Eva sleeps with us. We too have people telling us this is a bad idea. However, I think it is more natural than the cribs and bassinets. We all get a good nights sleep. Plus, the idea of her sleeping in some other room or even in our room, but in a bassinet, doesn't appeal to me. It seems lonely for her. I like her next to me. Christian doesn't mind either.